I Am Number Four

I watched this movie a couple days ago, but have not been able to bring myself to sit down and write anything.  It was just so expectedly, terribly bad that I don't know where to start.  Think I will just keep this one simple and straightforward - don't watch this movie.  You will regret it.  Not even Timothy Olyphant, with his badass last name, could save it.

P.S.  What person in their right mind, when being hunted by crazy killer aliens from another planet, would make a pit-stop to a darkroom to develop artsy photos of themselves?!?  ugh

Two Diamond-Related Flicks

Last night was a night of diamonds, both flawed and shining.  I started with Night Train , figuring that with Danny Glover and Steve Zahn it has to be at least mildly entertaining.  Nope.  The movie looked incredibly low-budget, like a student film made on $10K, but worse.  I made it about a half hour in before I could not ignore the waste-of-time feeling and made the executive decision to turn it off (which is a big deal for me, I have a habit of watching even pretty terrible movies all the way through).  Three strangers on a train conspire to steal diamonds and dispose of a dead body?  Not as interesting as you might think.

Enter Flawless, with Michael Caine and Demi Moore.  Another diamond heist movie, but this one not only watchable but in fact rather enjoyable.  A janitor and a manager each have their own motives to steal diamonds from the vault at the London Diamond Corporation.  Your typical "I'm-going-to-steal-something,-but-how?" fare, with the reveal of how it was done saved for the end.  And Michael Caine is just such a solid actor, subtle and charming.

Boot Camp

Hello my fellow film viewers.  In the effort of full disclosure I have to admit that last night I watched a pretty terrible film.  The premise was dumb, with B actors (although Mila Kunis is borderline A, right?), and I cannot really put my finger on why I pressed the "play" button.  It was predictable the entire way but for some reason I kept expecting it to get better.  "Based on true events", the film is about teenagers who are sent to a tough love camp to straighten them out, yet for all the potential this had the film was surprisingly mild.

I mean, I have seen worse movies, at least this one I made it all the way through to the totally preposterous end.  

Mao's Last Dancer

Bravo Australia, I never would have guessed that this film came from your country.  Don't get me wrong, Australia has produced some gems, but Mao's Last Dancer?  Never would have guessed.

Based on the autobiography of Li Cunxin, this movie tells the story of an 11yr-old boy plucked from his poor village in China to study ballet in Beijing.  Years later he is chosen to participate in a study abroad program in Houston and shortly thereafter defects to the States.  It has a political backdrop, and beautifully cuts between his experiences in the U.S. and his childhood years in China.  There are a couple scenes which left my brow furrowed, haha, but overall I would say definitely worth the watch.

Malena

This was a pretty intense, kind of depressing Italian film during which I felt angry, uncomfortable, and disheartened.  However, before you completely dismiss it you should know that as the credits rolled the film left me feeling satisfied.  The story centers around a boy who falls in love with a beautiful woman, played by Monica Bellucci, and watches as the town they live in spreads vile rumors that ultimately tear her apart.  Set against the backdrop of WWII, the film is all about conflict - a confused boy growing up, a young woman whose beauty works against her,  a small town at wartime - all wrapped up in bitterness and gossip.  Bellucci has few lines, yet portrays the gut-wrenching solitude of her melancholy character with stoicism and grace.  The scenes are incredibly powerful, and shot beautifully.

HOP - Transformers 3 and Bad Teacher

I would consider this a successful hop.  Crazy action movie paired with not-so-romantic comedy.  Neither movie took itself too seriously, which made it easier to make fun of the stupid cheesy stuff, and that is half the fun!

TRANSFORMERS: DARK OF THE MOON - This third installment of the Transformers series is exactly what I thought it was going to be - mind-boggling CGI, lots of explosions and mass destruction, sarcastic funny frantic nervous speech pattern of LeBeouf, and generally stupid content.  It was fabulous.  There were some welcome acting additions, with supporting stars Patrick Dempsey, John Malkovich, and Frances McDormand, and a new face that was just that - a face.  But that is fine, because the role really only called for a long-legged drop-dead model to look simultaneously scared and gorgeous, and run through rubble.  Too bad about her ridiculous scene where she pulled some reverse psychology on Megatron.  So dumb.  But the only real complaint?  Optimus Prime's dialogue was so consistently terrible I couldn't help but laugh every time the leader opened his metal mouth.

BAD TEACHER - Cameron Diaz really stole the show on this one.  I wasn't sure going into this movie, pretty much zero expectations, and I feel that was probably the way to do it.  The surprisingly disappointing factor in the film was Justin Timberlake.  I cannot put my finger on it, but I just thought him, or his character, were not as funny as their potential was.  He did have an unlikable character though, so this time J.Timmy, you will get a "pass".

Heartbreak Ridge

This film was very much typical army-new-recruit fare - seasoned veteran gets tossed in with a platoon of misfits and after much angst they grown to respect one another and fight a precarious yet ultimately winning battle.  You have the smart ass, the dumb one, the tough guy, a few standard filler men and the officer in charge of the base who doesn't want them to succeed.

This film went slightly side-tracked throwing in a bit of a trying-to-win-back-my-ex-wife side plot, but overall relatively predictable story line.  Clint is his usual gritty, squinty-eyed, gravelly-voiced self but it is amusing seeing him try to get in touch with "what women want".  Not to mention one of the best lines ever: "I'm the ayatollah of rock and rolla" :)