Swing Shift

Was hoping for an oldie-but-goodie, but instead got a not-so-goodie.  This 1984 film stars Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn in what I thought was going to be a light-hearted comedy (a la Overboard) but instead was rather slow and everything about it was just kind of sad.  There is cheating, back-stabbing, war, and loads of sexist woman-get-in-the-kitchen-and-cook type of crap.  I mean, it is set in the 1940s, but still!  You don't really end up liking anyone in this movie, which is hard when you have such a likable couple as Hawn and Russell, and just goes to show what an unfortunate movie this is.

John Carter

I initially had no desire to see this movie - the trailer was horrible, with pretty much everything (acting, plot, etc) looking relatively terrible.  What, you may ask, would change my mind?  Two producers where I work independently told me that it was worth seeing simply for the VFX.  That it had the most amazing effects they had ever seen ever.  And then proceeded to support it and defend it as if their lives depended on it.  Well then, based on that fiery reaction to my unfounded opinions I immediately put it first in my Netflix queue and watched it the night it arrived.

Imagine my disappointment when the movie still sucked.  But I didn't tell them that, and if it ever gets brought up again I will resist getting pulled into what has the potential of turning into a violent conflict of opinions and instead go get a cookie.

ADDENDUM:  I will admit that the puppy-alien creature was super cute, and some of the CGI characters were really quite well done.

HOP - Total Recall and The Bourne Legacy

This was an unexpected hop.  Not unexpected in that I didn't know I was going to do it, but unexpected in the results - I thought I wouldn't totally like Total Recall but would love Bourne Legacy, and it ended up being vice versa.  I had also planned to re-watch the original 1990 Total Recall before seeing this new one, but the movie has been "very long wait" in my Netflix queue for a very long time... boo to everyone having the same thought as me!

TOTAL RECALL - As I inferred, I cannot comment on how this 2012 version compares to the 1990 one since I haven't seen the original in at least a decade, but as a stand alone I thoroughly enjoyed this movie.  Visually it is a beautiful depiction of an ugly world, with an incredible chase scene along the rooftops and through the streets.  Other than the brief moment when a couple characters are climbing a ladder on the outside of a vessel that goes through the core of the Earth in seventeen minutes, from one side of the planet to the other, and don't get pancaked by whatever crazy g-force must be occurring, I had a lot of fun suspending my brain for this film.

THE BOURNE LEGACY - Where are my meds.  I need my chems.  Do you have the chems?  That is the entire first half of this movie.  Jeremy Renner as Aaron Cross, the drug addict.  Or so he seems until finally someone thought it would be nice to explain why he is so desperate for the drugs.  I also found other small things to be annoying - like the out-of-focus and jittery camera work and editing during a super long chase scene, and the strangely extreme close-up shots on people, and how this really complicated big-deal serum seems to be suddenly ready-to-use, and the fact that... well nevermind.  You get the idea.

But I did appreciate how they worked really hard to incorporate Jason Bourne into this film, to tie the previous film in the series (The Bourne Ultimatum) and this new one together.  Not flawless (would have been great to have a Bourne cameo!) but they did well with what they had so points to them.

But they totally wasted Edward Norton's talent on some stupid minor role!  So for that they lose all their bonus points.

Beastly

Promising re-make potential, terrible movie.  Attempts to take the story of Beauty and the Beast and translate that into the modern day.  Same exact story but insert a goth chic (Mary-Kate Olsen) for the old witch, and a blind tutor (Neil Patrick Harris) and maid (trying to get green-cards for her children) instead of animated household objects.  And despite being all sorts of hotness in Magic Mike, this movie simply confirms that Alex Pettyfer cannot act.

Just all around all sorts of bad.  Just bad bad bad.  Bad and dumb.  Terrifically stupid.  Ugh.