Bridesmaids

Let me get straight to the point here - this movie was a HUGE let-down.  Bridesmaids got great reviews from both established sources and friends so much so that I was expecting something fabulous.  Maybe that was the problem, my expectations were too high.  Or maybe not.  Probably not.  This film was just not what it was billed as.

But let me step back for a moment and clarify something.  I do not enjoy inner-emotional sappy touch-your-heart chick flicks.  If you do, you can stop reading right now and go out and watch Bridesmaids.  However, if you are like me and expecting this movie to be a female version of The Hangover then you should halt and slowly step away from the theater.  Either that, or just buy a ticket to Hangover II instead and you should be fine (disclaimer: I have not yet watched that film, but am looking forward to it).

Bridesmaids started off just fine - fun and quirky - and continued along that path for a solid 45min.  But that left 1hr 15min for self-doubt and boyfriend trouble and pity-parties and all the rest of that crap one who is expecting a hilariously funny movie dreads having to watch.  So much potential here, and so much disappointment.  It really showed the difference between a typical "boy movie" and a typical "girl movie" = a comedy geared towards men is all fun and games, whereas people who create ones geared towards women seem to think that we all require heartfelt moments of self-discovery.  HA.

Casino Jack

I really enjoy Kevin Spacey.  The very opening sequence in this movie is Spacey brushing his teeth, talking to himself in the mirror, and I thought it was great.  Not being familiar with the details surrounding the biographical background of Jack Abramoff, I came into this movie relatively blind and with a clean slate.  On that note, I thought the film was enjoyable, and it made me wonder about the real-life scandal and how much of it was embellished.

Some of the characters and events seemed so outlandish I cannot help but assume there was much creative license involved in the scripting of this film.  Jon Lovitz's character was completely ridiculous - how could a smart guy like Abramoff choose such a putz to be his front man?!?  Barry Pepper, who played Abramoff's business partner, also came off as incredibly incompetent - did Abramoff really surround himself with such schmucks?

Anyway, it is hard for me to write about a film based on a true story when I am not familiar with the original factual event; I can only really reference the movie based on the movie itself, and in that regard I found Casino Jack very interesting, albeit slightly confusing.  But anybody more into politics than myself, which is probably anyone, will most likely be able to follow along just swimmingly.

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

It is getting harder and harder for Johnny Depp to live up to the pure awesomeness that was his first appearance as Captain Jack Sparrow.  The initial time we see him, sashaying off the sinking boat down the dock, is priceless and unforgettable.  In the fourth edition of the Pirates enterprise Depp is back along with a host of familiar faces, as well as some welcome additions (Penelope Cruz in particular).  We also are missing some standards, in Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley, but honestly I think this film fares better without them.  Keira's character was going downhill, becoming less and less interesting and more and more annoying, making Penelope Cruz a sweet refresher.

As an aside, I find it amusing that all the pirates look pretty gross - sunburned weathered skin, yellow teeth, and basic scraggliness - except for our beloved Depp with his tanned skin and perfectly manicured facial hair ::sigh::

The film was a tad long, as sometimes these can tend to be, but overall it was actually better than I expected the fourth installment to be.  There are those over-the-top sequences, but also plenty of laugh-out-loud moments and creative fighting choreography.  CGI not quite as impressive as in previous Pirates, but costume and make-up were top notch as usual.  Additional Mermaid/Missionary twist was interesting... a bit of a stretch, lending to some curious loose ends that required a bit of creative thinking, but otherwise a much easier film to follow than the third movie in the franchise, which had so many plot twists you wonder if even the writers knew what was going on.

P.S.  Cruz had the best pirate hat I think I have ever seen.  Well, maybe not... hard to remember all of them... but still, it was amazing and I would totally wear it.  If you ever see it anywhere, let me know ;)

Animal Kingdom

Even after sleeping on it I am still not sure what to say about Animal Kingdom.  This Australian film is off-putting, both in directorial style as well as in regards to both musical choices and character acting.  In an odd way you find yourself not really rooting for anyone in particular, neither the "good guys" nor the "bad guys" especially since in some cases the line is blurred.  The person I believe you are expected to root for is kind of forgettable, not very engaging and just bland.  But after completing the film I guess you realize that is sort of the point, at the last moment he comes out of nowhere to (spoiler).

The mother is incestuously creepy, and gives the viewer an uneasy feeling whenever she is on screen.  Most of the time she is just a presence on screen, there in the background to support and comfort her sons, but when the moment arises and her family is threatened her protective instinct kicks in and you realize how dangerous she is.  By far the best acting in the film (Jacki Weaver, who was nominated for an Oscar [Best Supporting Actress]).

Abrupt editing choices and oddly matched musical selections leave you feeling off balance while you watch, always on edge and slightly off-kilter.  The director sometimes chooses to keep you far from his characters, then suddenly cutting in to a close-up that makes you feel as if you are invading their space.  Many private moments seen through windows or doorways, adding that extra level of voyeurism.

Despite this being a uniquely crafted film, I am still not sure who I would recommend it to...

Takers

A handful of relatively attractive men in a heist movie?  One might be surprised at how long it took me to actually cue this flick up in my Netflix.  Honestly, I was concerned about the acting, as the film stars several rappers including Chris Brown and T.I. (not to mention just generally bad actors, like Paul Walker haha).  However, I do have to admit that I was surprised by Hayden Christensen, who clearly enjoyed his character and completely rocked the hat.  I would have to say that this film pretty much met my expectations: pumped-up action sequences and dismissible acting.  The first heist in the movie was clever, but that was basically just the opening sequence.  The meat of the movie, the main heist, has actually been done before in several other films, including The Italian Job.

Something that did catch my eye (although not necessarily in a good way) was the end of the movie.  I cannot say anything specific without a major spoiler, but suffice it to say that the people I was rooting for got the unexpected short end of the stick.  Boo.

Scorched

I think this movie wins the award for the most random cast of characters - Woody Harrelson, John Cleese, Alicia Silverstone, Rachel Leigh Cook, and the math brainiac dude from Numb3rs (David Krumholtz).  Who would've though to put these actors together?  The film is a quirky comedy-caper about three employees of a bank planning to rob it on the same day.  Interesting premise, but Scorched works itself out to be just about average.  Lots of unexpected random parts though, like when Rachel Leigh Cook fantasizes herself as a Xena-style warrior princess and beats people up.  Not sure I would recommend it to anybody unless you are bored on your couch, searching through your Watch Instantly looking for a brainless wish-wash of a movie (like I was earlier today haha).  Best part?  When John Cleese calls a cookie-selling girl scout a bitch.  HAHAHA  Oh, and Woody Harrelson with his goose, George, are a lovely side-story duo.

TRIPLE HOP - Priest, Fast Five, and Hanna

Oh my gosh, where to start!  I guess at the beginning and work my way through, eh?

PRIEST - This movie was the most anticipated of the three, and the initial reason for the hop.  While I am not familiar with the graphic novel upon which this movie is based, Paul Bettany and vampires was reason enough to get excited for the film.  But alas, it was terribly disappointing.  Maybe my hopes were too high... no, no, it was just bad.  Plot "twists" were incredibly predictable, and everything that happened just seemed too convenient - doors opening or things appearing just when you need them.  One of the main characters was completely useless, so much so you would wonder if his presence was a favor owed to someone.  Dialogue was awful, like laughably bad.  Didn't matter what the character was saying or in what context, it just sounded forced or out of place.  And the bad guy was given such a comical cowboy appearance that you just felt sorry for him - maybe the wide-brimmed hat was supposed to shadow his face to make him seem menacing, but it just made him look foolish.  But enough of Priest, let's move on to something more enjoyable...

FAST FIVE - This movie was placed in the hop solely because the timing worked out that way, and was the least anticipated of the three.  However, for a fun action movie it hit the nail right on the head.  It had the fast pace and rough-and-tumble feel of a typical film from this franchise, but added in a heist-con aspect which nicely brought in extra characters and added a greater feeling of purpose; this one actually had very little to do with boosting and racing cars.  Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson also joins the cast, finally playing a role he is suited for (please no more of this Tooth Fairy crap).  Not having seen all of the previous four films I was worried I may not totally get this one, but other than a small inference made here or there you could pop right into number five without having seen 1-4.  A friendly hint: stay through the credits.  Oh, and of course I have to give a shout out to Luda's placement of his cognac, Conjure ;)

HANNA - Save the best for last.  You should see this movie.  I know this is going to sound silly to any non-film people out there, but the score and sound design is reason enough to see Hanna.  Trust me, you do not have to be a composer or film fanatic to appreciate what The Chemical Brothers and audio team did with the sound on this movie.  As a friend put it, this film does not have the feel of a typical Hollywood flick, and I mean that in the best sense.  You become wrapped up in the character of Hanna (played by Saoirse Ronan), entangled in her mission and her exploration of the world around her.  The film is also beautifully shot, and creatively edited together.  Everything means something.  Part creepy, part playful, part heart-wrenching, this film keeps its pace all the way through to the end.

And there you have it.  A summary round-up of my Triple Hop.  Overall, I would call it a success.  BOOYAH.

Flame & Citron

I actually watched this yesterday, but Blogger was down so sorry about the delay!  But I am afraid this review is not worth the wait... this Danish film was just, well, average.  There were some really spectacular, powerful scenes but at the same time those were unfortunately balanced by boring schlock.  Thinking about it now everything was just bleh - the film is based on a true story about two WWII Danish resistance fighters and includes all the elements that would categorize an enjoyable film but is incapable of putting them together.  I just never found myself involved or engaged with the two main characters, there were complicated emotions motivating their actions and a lot of time was spent setting that up, but in an odd way I still felt like their bond was not solidified.

Two hours ten minutes was definitely too long for either the story, or the director's story-telling abilities.  Hmmm what else... I mean it is great to write about movies that blow your mind away, and fun to tear a horrible film up, but for just an average film?  It is almost worse than watching a bad one; it just leaves you with that feeling you wasted time (as opposed to a bad movie, where at least you get solid revenge on the time waste by getting to talk shit about it haha).  So this is where I find myself, in that annoying space between rave review and fun ripping... with nothing left to say.

The Shining

This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but I had never seen The Shining before this very night.  Not a big horror fan, so had to work up the nerve to view this particular Kubrick number.  Not to mention surround myself with a couple good gal pals for support, and an adorable fluffy pomeranian to look to for reassurance.  If you have not seen this film you must if for no other reason than it is a cult classic; after watching you will understand a million references in other film/media that currently have probably been flying over your head.  Also, Jack Nicholson is psychotically terrifying (more so than usual).  So in the end I am glad that I finally gathered myself together to watch this famous flick, but as I finish writing this post I am already thinking about what I can watch right now to try and get the elevator's bloody wave and Danny's creepy chanting out of my head... Zoolander is the current lead contender...

The Expendables

So I told you I am a mad action fan, so out comes The Expendables on Netflix and of course I cannot resist (despite all the bad reviews), it is a miracle I resisted seeing it in theaters!  However, post watch, I am now glad I saved on the theater ticket and popcorn for a movie less... awful.  Unfortunately the expected formula did not work - if you put a lot of bad-ass action stars in a movie together you do not get a bad-ass action movie.  Ridiculous plot and loose ends notwithstanding, Sylvester Stallone spent a lot of time getting his butt kicked and grimacing his upper lip, and the majority of supporting cast sounded like they were reading off cue cards.  Save for Jason Statham who was most definitely the coolest character, with Jet Li a close second (lots of funny "don't hate on me cause I'm tiny" comments).  Mickey Rourke was great as well, that is until he got all teary-eyed over the recollection of losing his soul in battle.  Even a couple of fun cameos by our old-school favorites couldn't pull this flick out of the muck.  It is a sad day for Action.